No, I’m not a Ted Speaker, a spiritual guide, a relationship Guru, your BFF from the hood who hates all your exs or your 3 am friend. I am just a girl with stories, situations and circumstances that might be similar to yours. A girl who decided to go through it, to go over it and yes, finally TALK ABOUT IT. You can find yourself nodding through this little piece and I hope you can connect to it. By the end of it, I hope you can take something from it and more so, apply these little rules of happiness to your own life, in a way that suits you. I hope you finish reading the last line smiling. I am here. So are you. Let’s do this!
“Healing Phase”- sounds heavy, IS in fact, heavy. Loss of a loved one, a wrecked relationship. The utter anxiety of mid- life crisis. The confusion, pressure and trauma of constantly living a “cool kid” millennial life. A pain in the ass kinda boss, a stagnant salary account. Thousands and millions of glittery social media feeds, reminding you of all the things you ‘aren’t’ doing in your life.
Life can suck BIG time, sometimes. And you will be hit with stuff from all directions. But humans have this weird tendency to still keep their feet on the ground and mostly, if not always, deal with it. People find their way around problems. But, let’s accept it- You can’t escape it. You can’t escape the bad times. They hit you in surprising forms and you land up where? THE HEALING PHASE.
For many reasons, a healing phase cannot be defined. I could be closing myself in a room to avoid human connection altogether, I could be out there, working, hustling, traveling and still go through it. People have their own way to get through a distasteful situation. What happens during and most importantly ‘after’ that phase is what matters the most. How to get through it in simple words:
We often know “exactly” what’s going on but our sub-conscious mind operates in a manner that makes us beat around the bush and ‘escape’ the reality of what really is. We like the idea of being in love, of being in separation, of being happy or sad or angry. But the harsh reality is that we mostly know what’s coming. And even if you’re taken by utter surprise (or shock), you, in that exact moment know what’s in it for you and what you need to do next. But, it’s not easy to come down to a conclusion because of all the expectations you’ve formed in your head due to different reasons. Do yourself a favor. ACCEPT the most authentic, real truth of the reality of a situation. Accept that you are in love, that you are out of it, that you are and can be happy or sad or angry or confused. Accept that you can love somebody and still not keep them in your life. Accept that they can do so too. Own it and accept it. This is the first important step to self-healing. Once you have accepted the situation in its truest form, only then can act upon it. Yes, someone CAN fall in love with your damaged self. Yes, someone CAN fall out of love with you even if you’re loving, giving and honest. Yes, you can and cannot adjust to certain things. You accept what it is and you decide for yourself after that. Don’t ever run from reality just because things aren’t going according to your colorful road map.
MEO, like meoww)
If you have taken the train to healing, please don’t stop mid-way. It’s a long journey of patience but it’s a promising one. People start off well with good quotes, articles, a new fitness routine, drastic hairstyle change, new wardrobe, a rebound (yeah, don’t hide your face!), but they lose focus as soon as something from the past hits them in the face. It happens, it’s natural. You can feel empowered one day and feel like shit by the end of it because you saw a message, a notification, a face. So here’s the thing- practice this “control of momentary emotional outburst”. It’s that sinking feeling that hits you for a minute. At this point, your brain can take any of the two ways following roads – run to a bottle of wine and switch on the saddest song in the list and cry your heart out OR you “embrace” the momentary discomfort and shift your focus to your new list of goals and everything positive around you at that very moment. This will take a lot of practice but must I tell you, this is the most empowering feeling you will ever experience. If you can change the course of your emotions in a minute or two, you’ve done half the work and are on the right path of healing. (Repeat after me) Overcome, shift focus and MOVE ON, playing a cool song!
People absorb hurt in different ways. Some turn cold, some turn soft. Some react aggressively, emotionally or indifferently. You see, the magnitude of how bad you feel is directly related to how much you have already ‘felt’. The intensity with which you invest in a person, job or situation tells you how much you really feel about it when things go wrong. If you don’t care, you don’t react. When you are in the healing phase, you have to choose whether you would like to pursue total disconnection from the person/situation in order to move on or whether you would want to let it fade out slowly and take time to prepare yourself to detach. Of course, many people shut off immediately because anger, sadness and disappointment takes over their other emotions and, in lots of cases that’s a pretty reasonable approach if you can stick by it.
In a fading connection approach, lot of people move out slowly, sliding quietly through the back door. In situations like a broken marriage, a relationship that has been around for a while, a job desk that you’ve been sitting on for years. You prepare yourself for the changes that come along with the decision of moving on. You detach with a firm mind, but you detach slowly. Why this helps is because you’re dealing with your situation with patience and perseverance, so, the healing process has already started for you along-side because you think more rationally.
I’ve used both these approaches and I won’t say to go with just one. Choose, according to your instinct and how much you can take. The key is to NEVER be harsh on yourself. The idea is to heal well and not just quickly.
This could be as repetitive as your mom asking to clean your room. But, changes are important. Small and big, easy and difficult. Changes in your life are like the first view of the valley that you experience after a tough trek. Like a sudden cloud over your head on a harsh summer day. Changes are beautiful. They are necessary to kickstart your life in a new direction. Stop and look around you. Look at yourself. You’ve come so far. It’s time to brush it off and imbibe new things. Get a new hobby, nourish the older ones, meet new people- they have so much to offer! Visit a new place even if it’s a new coffee shop in town. Discover new music. Discover art. Hype yourself up in whatever way you can because for god’s sake don’t forget that you are PRECIOUS.
As much as you hate me for saying this, know that you HAVE to fall on your face to shake things up in your life and allow new, good things to come in. I said this before in a piece I wrote- “If you don’t feel so bad, how will you ever feel so good?” I’ll tell you, a normal life is a normal life. You’re moving on a straight line without looking around. It’s comfortable but it’s also stagnant. And stagnancy is the biggest enemy of growth. You were not what you were in high school and you won’t be what you are now. Your issues change with time. You’re crying over a boy now and 50 years later, you will cry over a denture that you can’t seem to find. Life moves by rather quickly. Bad things happen so we can appreciate the good ones. You are drastically changed (and in a good way) when you’re handed over shit to deal with. If that doesn’t happen, you remain unexplored and boring. You are all your laughter and tears. You are a novel! There’s so much about you and this so much only happens when you deal with horrible people and situations who burst your stagnant happiness bubble just so you can fill up a new one in a different way. Shitty people teach us the biggest lessons. Better lessons than good people, if you ask me. Thank them. Kiss them (or kick them) goodbye!
I must tell you that I’ve had my share of heartbreaks and experienced unpleasant situations to come down to these 5 points that have helped me in some way or the other. The topic of course, is subject to change as and when I play catch and throw with this life and learn more. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Tell me how amazingly you dealt with stuff? Let’s be awesome together!
Until till, keep loving and keep shining and BOOKMARK this page incase of emergency!